ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
