based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
