Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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