like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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