Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
