Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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