3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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