I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
