you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
