Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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