college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
