dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
