Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
