someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
