I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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