People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
