so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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