I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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