dude i'm inner monologue high
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
