i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
