If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
