So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
