i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
