you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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