Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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