You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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