he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
