I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
