Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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