He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
