looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Damn victory sex feels great
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
