Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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