in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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