i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
