Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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