i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They are going to name an STD after you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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