i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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