I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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