my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
