Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
