dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
