For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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