I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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