Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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