It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
