ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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