1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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