Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
