I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
