she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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