She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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