Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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